Tuesday, October 26, 2010


My boyfriend and I have been fighting a lot lately. 
What the heck is our problem? What is left to fight about? Don't we fight enough?
I thought seven-and-a-half years is more than enough to get to know each other. Seven years ago, what we fought about was jealousy. I hate seen him with his female friends (let alone his ex girlfriend!) I hate to accept the fact that he loved his bike more than me, I mad when he late to picked me up. Seven years later, the problems between us are rapidly growing, to some serious ones. 

Here comes the question: WHAT KIND OF MOTHER WOULD YOU BE?
...dead silence...

That second I thought, holy shit. 
How could he ask this weird, tricky, and unimaginable question? Honestly, I couldn't help it. He trapped me. 
I muted for a while. Not because I didn't know the answer, of course I want to be not just good, but a GREAT mother (who doesn't anyway?) 
But Dieter isn't the type of man who easily satisfied with a shortcoming answer.
He needs explanation. He loves the detail. He's judgmental. Moreover, he loves to play "What If" game. What If this.. What If that.. What If blah blah blah.... (I don't know who invented this game, screw you!)
I was overwhelmed with all these! Seems like my relationship has always been a test. 

Before anything bad happened, I'll write some pieces of imaginary conversation that could have happened between my boyfriend and I that night.
The conversation would be more and less like this, I tend to call this World War 2.

Him: What kind of mother would you be?
Me: Of course I wanna be a great, loving, and caring mother. (that's the best I could think of the moment)
Him: What do you mean with 'loving and caring'? What if (the game started here) your son want to be a rider? Would you support or ignore him? What if your daughter want to be a social worker? Would you able to let her go?"
Me: Silence (I don't have any embryo in my uterus for gods sake, let alone an engagement ring) 
Him: (he'll start preaching) Having children is a very serious thing. I don't wanna marry a woman who don't know how to support their children. Sometimes LOVE is not enough. Look what your parents have done to you with their so-called love! I wanna have a successful children. I think you're obviously not ready to have a child. You have to let go your ego first. 
Me: (nodding) can we eat our dinner? Or should I get a gun and shoot myself?
Him: #@%^*&%#

Maybe you wonder where I got all the questions. Yup been with him for almost eight years make me familiar with his FAQ. Lol.
anyway... If my answer was right and fulfilled his expectation, then maybe he would take our relationship to the next level. BUT what if I answered the contrary? 
So my best answer at the moment is "Silence". I answered democratically with a little bit humor, " I wanna be a great mother, but I have to figure it out first what kind of mother I would be. Besides, I haven't ready yet and you haven't put that ring on me Mister." 

One thing for sure, Dieter has the BEST mother in the world. Like, seriously. The best. 
His Mom is one of his weakness point. He could suddenly drowned into tears if we talk about his Mom. 
That BURDEN me. What if I can't be as great as his mother? 

Oh on the funnier note, at exact time across town, my parent attended an engagement party. His friend's daughter who happened to be only 17 y.o (yes you heard me!) SEVENTEEN engaged to his 22 y.o boyfriend. They'll tie the knot on the next March. 
Wow. Whatever gotten into them, I'm pretty sure that they have the bravest heart and the boyfriend have never asked about the "question". 

My day was getting from bad to worse when I came home upset and then I found out a very fancy souvenir from the aforementioned happy couple. Oh. It turns out, not only they have balls and brave hearts, the lovebirds is filthy rich. I wonder why I'm not surprised.

Marriage life is like a war zone, you never know where and when the enemies attack you. 
And beware!! Cos there's always "enemy in the blanket" (stupid metaphor!) if you know what I mean.... *evil grin*