Wednesday, April 30, 2008

current mood : DAZED and CONFUSED

What on earth am I here for?

I always think that I'm nothing. There's nothing I can do to make this world be a better place. I have nothing to be proud of. In fact, I always under-estimate myself. That I'm less talented, less pretty, less skinny, less smart, blah blah blah.. I don't know where this shit from, but a little bit more, this thought make me feel like "Yup, this is your REAL condition". Even though some said that I'm not like that. I thought that I'm not THAT bad, too.

Negativity. That's what I should deal with. I can't be anything I want if I can't delete my negativity aura from my mind. I keep telling myself that I'm nothing. But I don't have a strong will, that's true. URGH!! Seems like I fell in a same hole every time I try something new. For example, I was trying to cook, started to love it, and then left it. Bored. Yeah, I easily got bored. So I never achieve in what I do, if you know what I mean.

I have million dreams. But I can't bring those dreams into reality, cos I only have a dream, I'm not trying to reach my dream. I can't force myself harder. I have this power, I have this talent, but I don't use it. Shame on me to be such a person like that.

Is there anything I can do to change myself?

Monday, April 28, 2008

Shocking newS

current mood : SHOCKED!

God I couldn't believe what I've just READ!!!!!!

There's an Austrian woman (named Elisabeth F. by authorities) who was imprisoned AND raped by HER OWN FATHER (called Josef F.). And this went on for 24 years!!!!!

Wait. It gets more disturbing.

According to reports, the woman gave birth to seven children by her father.
Three of the children, now aged 5, 18 and 19, lived in the dungeon with Elisabeth and had never seen the light of day until the eldest was recently taken to the hospital because of a severe illness.
Police said Josef, an electrical engineering technician by training, had told investigators how to enter the basement dungeon through a small hidden door, operated by a secret code which only he had known.


According to Elisabeth, Josef had lured her into the basement of the block where the family lived in Amstetten, Austria, on August 24th, 1984, and allegedly drugged and handcuffed her before locking her up in the dungeon. A police spokesman said she was "psychologically extremely disturbed", but her version of events was "completely believable".
Elisabeth's disappearance in 1984 was treated as a teenage runaway case.
Elisabeth's mother, Rosemarie, who lived in the family home with her father, supposedly did not know their daughter was being held captive in the home dungeon and sustaining the alleged abuse.

Click here to read more about this disturbing case.

Too crazy to be true!!

Do you want to see the face of this incredibly horror? EWWWWWW!!!!

Saturday, April 26, 2008

another wedding pAAArty

current mood : like a virgin!

LOL. Yesterday I attended (again) in my friend's wedding day. She's very young, same age as me. And she committed to married in a such young age. Very brave! And bold! I mean, yeah, she has a lot more courage that I have. I haven't even thinking about when I should tie the knot! Even in my wildest dream, well.. Umm.. Yes I have, to be honest. But it was just a dream, OK. LOL.. I never imagine what I'd be if I married in a young age. Cos I think it's a -once in a lifetime- and it must be perfect. With a right man, in a right time, and at a right place. I've already found the right man(!!!!) , so when is the right time? And where is the right place? FOOL me, I've just added more questions mark without answers in my head! Just wait till it's poppin out! LMAO

BTW, I went there with some of my friends. To the newly-wed, congratz for you both! GOD bless y'all!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

light of my life

current mood : mixed up

It's been a hell of week for me, first of all, my problems. UGH! Still can't find the solution and answers for all the question marks which always spins in my head.

Anyhow, skip all that shitty days,on April 22nd, we celebrated Kartini's Day. Kartini is the woman who tried to placed woman and man in the same position (she's the queen of emancipation here). COOL! She's deserved to be celebrated every single year! GIRL POWER! She's our heroine. Thanks Kartini, you rawk!
girl power!

Shortly, my bro's school celebrated that day too, I just want to share some pictures of him when he attended in his Kartini's Day at his school! Speechless! The word adorable didn't fit in him, he's way moooooooore adorable than that!

my little star

And then the disaster came, he fell out and had a serious injury in his head. He was bleeding, and in serious condition. I was in campus when that thing occurred. I got this phone call from my Mom, and I was like, "What?" I was so shock and couldn't wait to came home.But thankfully, one of my neighbor is a doctor, so my Dad called him, and he quickly came into my house. Thank God my bro was OK. But you know what, he's still cute with that bandage in his head! He's just my little star, my everything..

On Friday, me with my lil'bro and my lil' sis went to PVJ and captured this beautiful moment. I'm blessed cos I have them in my life. They're such a treasure to me, they're my lights, the brightest lights.. my brightest lights

Sunday, April 20, 2008

drama queen

current mood : moody

Seems my post are dark and getting even darker now. Cos I just feel so bad. I can't write all of this into my blog cos it was a very long and never-ending drama!

Why life should be this complicated?

There's so much drama around me!!

Hey we're family, aren't we?
Family never gets one of their member hurt.
Family never lies.
Family rely on each other.
Grown up together.
And live as one gigantic family.

Oh what a sweet phrase I wrote
I wish my family as sweet as those.

Really love them.

My love for them is TRULY unconditional love. But I hate being in this situation over and over again.


current mood : awful

I really tired of this same old thing!!
I really tired of this same old thing!!
I really tired of this same old thing!!
I really tired of this same old thing!!

What should I do next?
Where should I go next?
How will my future bring?
Why they treated me so badly?

Is it my fault to having a character like this? I'm just trying to be nice to everyone, especially to my parents. But why they keep do that to me? I have to get rid of this situation.
I need to change. But how can I change?

Everybody's changing
But I don't feel it .

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

Smoking. HOT or NOT


I just don't get it when mostly, all grown-men I know is smoking (and there are several girls too). WTF? Is it cool or what? Sadly, my first brother and my Daddy smokes too :( They're heavy smoker I think..
Hmpph.. Does anyone know how to tell them to stop smoking? Cos I think it's so dangerous, maybe you don't feel the effect now, but slowly but sure, the nicotine will kill your body. Even it getting worse when you drink coffee too. I'm glad cos I've never been a smoker, I hate cigarettes. Well my boyfriend used to be a smoker too, but I told him to stop, and he STOP. Although it was so so so damn hard, but finally he realize and he stops his smoking habit. For GOOD.

To all of you who never smokes, GREAT! Keep that up, cos smoking is very bad to your health, and think about people around you too. I ever read once that being a passive smoker is also dangerous.
But if you're an active smoker now, just learn to stop it. What's the point of burning your money when you smoke? It's not cool at all. And we, as a grown-up women, don't like men with smoking habit. Ewww.. Just learn to say "NO"

Stop smoking, for better life

another day another drama

current mood : pathetic

Why is it so hard to run a good life?
Every single day we always find new problems, new questions (without answers), new happiness, new sadness. Always go on and on and on like that!

Another day.. Another drama..

I know, and I realize, this is LIFE. But sometimes I feel annoyed of people around me who can't appreciate life, and in my case, can't appreciate PARENTS. Especially their toil to make us be a grown up person, their sacrifice that make us can drive our own car, leave in a beautiful home, eat delicious foods, and all things we personally own. I admit that I ever make them sad couple times, and I really really sorry for that, but as a child, of course we weren't born to be a perfect child. At least I try to.

Actually there's one thing that really annoys me right now, but I can't write that into my blog. Cos it'll insult my "closest" person.
But the thing is, I don't want to hurt my parents anymore, I want to make them glad, even though I haven't be anything they want, I'm trying to give all my care to them, respect them, and make them laugh.
Whatever the future brings, I never want to make them disappoint again, I never want to hurt them. They all I've got. Can't imagine what will happen if I lose them.

Love love love THEM. Thank God for given me the best father and mother.

PS: Have you make your Ma and Pa laugh today?


current mood : praying, hoping, down on my knee

Please GOD.. Let it happen.
Show us some lights
I do believe in miracles
We do believe in miracles

Ignore me I'm bad
But don't ever ignore him
Cos he's such an angel
Bless him and his family

Make this happen
Let this happen

This dream will come true


Monday, April 14, 2008


current mood : feelin' stupid

I'm so stupid
'Cause I used to live
In a fuzzy dream
And I used to believe
In a pretty pictures
That were all around me
But now I know for sure
That I was stupid

I'm so stupid
'Cause I used to live
In a tiny bubble
And I wanted to be
Like all the pretty people
That were all around me
But now I know for sure
That I was stupid
Stupider than stupid

Please don't try to tempt me
It was just greed
And it won't protect me
Don't want my dreams
Adding up to nothing

stupider than stupid

current mood : angry to myself

Why I can't push myself harder and harder?
Why I wasn't born with a strong-will to improve myself?

Thought I failed to be a real "human". I can't do anything to marked myself in this world. The worst thing is, even though I'm almost 21 now, I haven't make my parents proud of me.

But strangely, that thing doesn't make me push myself harder, push me to go the extra miles.
What was I thinking? I should pull my brain off my knee!

Idiot. Pathetic. Stupid. Stupider than Stupid. Stupidest!

Monday, April 7, 2008

Television Modeling

Hi friends I am back for another category of the modeling. These are the very high and professional models who may earn lot more than any other models. There is lots of modeling agency are there for this type of modeling and you may find these this type of agencies at your near area. There are some guidelines available for the category like this in any model agency.

This television modeling has also for both male model and female model. There is not any botheration for the black model. Anyone can do what they can best of. This category is also tried by the top model and there are some juicy shows are there so for that they need some sexy models and some episode they want nude model also.

There serial like “Baywatch” in, all the female models use to wear a bikini so those are the bikini models. And for the late night shows they want some adult model also.

This category requires some acting and dancing and it is for some predefined locations. If you are good an actor then, you be successful in this business. Most of the actors are coming form the television and go for the movies, commercial films, reality shows and plays and there are lots of other options for them.

There are some examples of teen model become an actor and some adult model being an actor. So there are endless opportunities are there. In this category the physical appearance is the key factor. How you present your self towards the camera and there are so much competitions in this kind of category.

Need to know how you’re modeling agents good for you?
• What agents can do for you
• Finding lawful agents
• Which kind of model agency is best for you?
• Model agency contracts (exclusive versus non-exclusive) and fees

Sad News

current mood : urgghhhh

YouTube was banned here. I heard some gossips that the reason they took away YouTube cos there were several people who uploaded a movie called "Fitna". Well it's a documentary I think, I personally, haven't watch it yet. But what I know from some friends, Fitna was a racism movie, which showed a different point of view of two religions. Its duration is 16 minutes, and there were loads of hardcore killer-scene between that two religions. I'm not so sure about that, just correct me if I'm wrong, cos I never watch it. This is a very sensitive case and I don't want to hurt people who read this. So I won't write too much about it.

But why did YouTube banned?? It's sad cos I've an account there and I already uploaded my personal videos when D's birthday, our anniversary, etc, and it was all lost! ALSO, all my fave videos which I saved from YouTube. UNFAIR!
I thought they should banned ONLY the video, not the WHOLE YouTube.

BTW speaking about racism, it's a shame cos here in my country, there's still a lot of racism everywhere. Ermm... Well I think this is not a good idea to write that in my blog. I just want to tell you, that we're all made by God. So no need to war between different religions, and all. Black or White, Muslims or Jewish, we're all human. We're all the same.

Peace yo!

update : you can take a look at a review of Fitna HERE (Indonesian version); or HERE (English version)

update #2 : finally they brought back our YouTube!!! ^______^

Just see for yourself,

PS : No hard feeling please

Sunday, April 6, 2008


current mood : unhappy

Here comes the BUSY weeks!
Tomorrow will be my first day of my mid-term exam! *sigh*

Wish me luck y'all!!!

Thursday, April 3, 2008


current mood : speechless!!!

I just saw M's latest video : 4 minutes! OMFG!!!!
Check it out guys........... And it's already #1 all over the world, incl US!
You go M!!

update : they deleted M's new video from YouTube!! Fortunately, I've saved it already in my PC! :p

update #2 : Maybe some of you have seen M's 4 Minutes video. It's everywhere now. But I'll post it anyway.