disaster!!
period : 300304 - 300305
God it's very hard to explain those moments! My 2nd year with him.. We had nothing to proud of. Our relationship was like a disaster. Been there, done that. Whatever we did, it always caused danger. We had a fight everywhere, just like cat and dog.
But why we can't be separated? That's the big question which always popped in my head whenever we had a fight. WHY?
Our love had been through many tests. I thought this period was the hardest.
One day my English teacher at school told me, that we'd have a big huge bomb disaster that would put my relationship to the test. If we'd go through this, maybe our love will last forever. If not, he said that this would be the end of my relationship. He noted that the problem involved many people, such as my family and his family. And once more, he said that my boyfriend didn't happy with our relationship, like a time-bomb that ready to explode.
I tried not to believe that, but believe it or not, this thing really happened.
I had this problem, my own problem. I used to be a very possessive person. I hate his smoking habit (although he quits now! Thanks God), I didn't let him go out with his friends, I didn't allow him to do his hobby (which I realize that's a positive hobby, compared to other man's hobby --> gambling, for example. He loves motorcycle). We must meet every single day. For short, I banned him from outer-world except ME.
There was this thing that really pissed me off! One night he said to me that he want to go to Pangandaran with his friends. Of course I didn't allow him. I scared, what would he do if I let him go? I thought he'd do crazy things with his friends. "No no no, I can't let him go" that's what my heart said that night. I told him that he shouldn't go, but he was very angry. And that was it.
That's the moment where he told me what's been on his mind, that he felt unhappy with our relationship, that I was more strict than his Mom! He told me that had a relationship with me was worse than life in a prison! I can see the storm deep in his eyes.
We had a big huge bomb fight (just like my teacher said). And it involved many people. Sorry but I couldn't tell you the rest of story. It was a personal affair :p But trust me, it was HUGE. I can see from my parent's tears.
OUCH that's the most painful moment I've ever been with him. But it's like a wake up call to me because I finally realized how I really hurt him, and treated him bad. He was just trying to be patient because he loved me. He said that he can left me anytime he want, but he didn't do that because he thought I would change. I really melted. I blame myself for those things. I wanna kill myself that time. Hopeless, and full of regret.
Fortunately I surrounded by people who really care for me, and understand me. They helped me to recovered myself. I had a break with him, but it only last less than 24hours.
I still surprised, how can my relationship survived after all those things?
Finally we decided to meet (after 2 days in horror!) and talked from heart to heart, calmly.
I apologized to him, from my deepest heart. I admitted that I've been wrong. He heard my confession and he said that he still loved me and never want to lose me. He hoped I'd change for him. I said that bad habits die hard :p But he said that he accepted me whoever I am.
Thank God he given me a second chance to changed myself. I wouldn't erase all words that came from his mouth that day. That was one of the most important day in our relationship.
I found out the answer from my big question: We can't be separated because we're meant for each other. We always get back together, although our relationship is like shit.
Shame on me to write all this story. But I hope you can take the positive thing from my experience. You can't controlled men like a horse. Men are men. They're only human who needs freedom too. I never want to be in that situation again. Once is more than enough for me.
Our love had been test once again. And that was the hardest test we had been through. And guess what? We CAN THROUGH THIS :))
