Thursday, October 30, 2008

anger & depression

Have you ever feel that you're the dumbest, stupidest person on earth?
I did some terrible mistakes most of my life, feel like I can do nothing right.. I always wrong. Although I always tell everyone my slogan " absolutely no regrets ". But actually, there are several things that I wish I didn't do. I wish I can study more, I wish I exercise more, I wish I'm not a forgetful girl and can remember every single thing that ever happened in my life, I wish I wish I wish.. Many things I've missed in my whole life. I've messed it up and now I regret it. FFS, please forget those trashy feeling!!!

back to reality..........

I've two new best-friends right now. It called "Anger" and "Depression".
This "anger" and "depression" always track me down nowadays. Especially when I near my deadline, whether it's essay or Pre-Order on my OL shop. It's just... Frustrating.
Sometimes I thought, can I do this alone? But than my closest friend rose up my spirits, even deep down inside of me force me to do that. And then I know everything gonna be fine.... Although it's not. OMG, I feel so stressed!!! :(
I wonder what will happen with me in the next 6 months.

Okay, I will make a short list about what should I achieve 6 months from now.
  • GRADUATE! (it's a must!)
  • Find a job! (should I?)
  • Expanding my OL shop!
  • This is a short term plan: "go to gym at least 3 times a week and cut off those flabby thigh! Ewww.. Hate them! Run a little bit longer in my treadmill and biking as often as I can, even though with my Dad's friends. (Cos none of my friends love biking)" We'll see what happen with my thigh.
  • Yoga and pilates and meditation (guess I need that?). (always want to do that, but unfortunately don't have enough time and money. Cos it's so so so expensive.. But who knows I can afford that? As long as I intend to.
  • Be a half vegetarian (e.g: Vegetarian from Mon-Fri, and Sat-Sun are my free day!) How's that even possible, while my boyfriend always teases me with "Ayam Penyet". LOL.
  • Loses 5 more kilos. Anyone agree?
  • Control my damn new bestfriends (remember the "anger" and "depression"?). They come upon me all silent and they flank me, it's like Anger on my left and Depression on my right.
  • Sleep well everyday. (e.g: at least 6 hours a day)
  • Go to church?
  • what else? I'll add this list up as soon as I have thoughts.
Just, wish me luck OK.

PS: Dear "anger" and "depression" . Please GO AWAY from my mind :(