Tuesday, May 25, 2010

what is it like being an indonesian?

I was born in Indonesia almost 23 years ago. My Dad is a Chinese and my Mom is Indonesian. So no wonder, I don't have Chinese eyes & skin. At first, I don't mind about it at all. Some called my skin is exotic, some hated it, and some don't give a shit. As for me, I was wondering why I'm different from my friends at elementary school, but then I found out & I don't give a shit.

I was perfectly fine with my own skin until one day I applied my American visa and realized how BAD our image as Indonesian in American's eyes.
We described as "alien" who want to travel to America to be a "smuggler".
Thanks to bad publicity such as terrorist thingy. Not once, not twice, but several bombs have exploded in Bali, in Jakarta, etc.
In short, my visa was rejected.

I feel terrible to see how bad Indonesian in the world's eyes..
Despite our rich natures, Indonesia have a lot troubles inside. I don't have to write this sensitive issue one by one, cos I'm sure y'all know what had happened in my country.

No offense, but I lie if I said I'm proud to be Indonesian.
I'm proud with my country Indonesia with its nature, archipelago, and cultures. but I hate greedy people around us who have made this mess. My country is just like a playground, even more like a chess board that they can play. And I bet you don't wanna know how tricky and dirty is the game they play. We just catch a chance to see them play without knowing who's the bad guy, who's the good guy, who lose who win. all we have to do is WATCH. There are many political erection here.
One more thing, health facility. If you're in a very bad condition, going to ER without money, dare I say it, you will lose your hope for life. I saw it with my own eyes years ago. Nurses didn't help the patients at ALL. Where's their humanity?
We pay taxes but don't know where it goes. Streets are still fugly, no adequate public transportation, etc. And suddenly, police arrested this man named Gayus Tambunan, a tax official wanted for corruption and money laundering (estimated IDR 25 Billion). How cool is that? Now I know where the money goes....

It got me thinking how guilty I am. There are many questions WHY without a single answer. Why I don't continue my study abroad? Why I don't continue my career? Why this why that? The point is, why am i still here? I wish I was born to be a genius.
If I have a dream to be a fashion editor, why not chase it? I admit that I'm not brave enough.. I've been too spoiled and always live in a comfort zone. WHY oh WHY! And if I want to start it all over again, it'd be too late..

My relationship with Dieter season 1, 2, 3, until 7 make me stay here. Maybe he thinks about it too. He can't get too far cos he has me here, and the other way, I always been here with him. I have a strong bond with this relationship till I can't leave everything behind.
So my path is already written in our season finale: marry - have children - grow old - die.
How pathetic is that?
How about my dream job? How about the "1001 things to do before I die" thing? How about my passion to see the world (which already broke once because US Embassy rejected my visa)?

I don't wanna settle.... yet. I love my relationship this way. Of course we haven't move in and live together. But that's what marriage all about, isn't it? To move in together without blabbing from the neighborhood. To make everything LEGAL. But why have to rush? Is it the only thing about marriage?

One more thing about Indonesia is, if you wanna get marry then you have to be a rich and famous. Men MUST have their own house, cars, fixed job, blahblahblah materialistic thing that can make me puke. Men MUST come from a wealthy, esteemed family and have a good enough attitude to captivate women's FAMILY.
Gosh I can't imagine if I were a man. No wonder many women choose rich old men to be their husband, and ooh... they ain't show any love. just money. just business. Here's the formula: Marrying rich old men = a shortcut to live a jet set life.
As easy as CTRL + ALT + DEL then BAM! welcome to the heaven on earth!

Weeks ago, I saw a video on my Dad's friend cell phone, a woman who just moved into new house. It's like 3000m2, she proudly present her walk in closet, which was larger than life, complete with her luxury bags collection, shoes, dresses, and all. The video showed us the rest of her house too. I couldn't help but ask, how old is she? My Dad's friend said, "Oh she's like 45". What did she do till she can buy all those things? He replied, "His hubby is 20 years older than her. and he's at Japan atm, so everytime his hubby going out for work, she throw a party for her friends".
NAH.. This is REAL. I bet there are many women who substitute their love & heart with bling bling.

I don't wanna be one of those woman. I have to stand up in my own feet, and the most important of all, I want to marry a man that I love dearly and sincerely. It's sacred & once in a lifetime.
I'm an Indonesian who has an American dream :)