Saturday, August 30, 2008


Current mood : BLURRED

Well, I haven't posting for a while. My days were as busy as hell. First of all, my final thesis..... Urgh, still haven't find the right topic. There are too many consideration. And, OH, I'm starting my own online boutique!! Really excited about this, and of course, really wasting my time. From editing to uploading to promoting and to confirming. My first session will be start Sept 1st. Let's see what happen :))

Anyway, here's my first online boutique Cutesy Girlz

I'm far away from professional, but at least I tried. I'll update my site everyday, and keep improve it. Please check out my new collection, since it's high quality dresses with LOWEST price. *cough* LOL

Glitter Photos
[ - *Glitter Photos*]

Thursday, August 21, 2008

John Mayer

John Mayer recently said this in one of his concert:

"I don't think that life is short. So I think you should stop saying that. 'Life is short, man.' No it's not! Life is excrusiatingly long. Let me rephrase that. The life you got left is excrusiatingly long. The life behind you, it's done. So yeah, life is short, but only when you turn around and look at it. But if you keep looking forward, you got a lot of years to think about. If you don't think life is long, if you life every day like life is short, you know what you become? A fuckin' asshole. You gotta live your life like someday soon you're gonna hit some miserable Tuesday night that's just gonna seem to go on for days and days and days. Waiting for either some phone call to come that doesn't come or some phone call to stop that won't stop. Because as it's laid out in front of you seems to go on forever. But look back to when you were 4 and it seems like last Sunday. So just keep looking forward and keep your good heart on you and keep doing the best you can do and love who you love the best you can love."

I thought, "SAME HERE JOHN!!"

Sunday, August 17, 2008

Someone to Watch Over Me

"Someone To Watch Over Me"

There's a saying old, says that "love is blind"
Still we're often told, "Seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man i ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he turns out to be
Someone to watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some girls think of as handsome
To my heart, he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead Oh, how i need
Someone to watch over me

Amy-Jade Winehouse

Saturday, August 16, 2008

m's birthday

Happy Birthday!!
Long Live The Queen!!!

Thank you for enriching our life and making the world a much better place too!
Looking FAB at 50!

Thursday, August 14, 2008

say hi to my new baby :)

Thanks so much Dad!!

Wednesday, August 13, 2008


current mood : still upset

Every children biggest dream would always be make their parents proud. Including me. But how?

Many whispers came to my ear that said, "Go ahead and find your place at your Dad's Co.", "Why wasting more time with useless job?", "Don't ever try to work in a -desperately-needing-investment Bank!", and blah and blah and blah.
Dude I really wanna show my Dad that I can earn myself money. Now my new car is on its way to my garage doesn't mean I'm fully happy. I mean, I feel very grateful with my Dad's present, but I realize that it will burden me. How long until I can earn my own money?

Let's rewind to two years ago, when my friends busy to get a part-time job. This "part-time job" means SPG (Sales Promotion Girl), or Bridesmaid (at someone else's wedding), or Wedding Organizer's crew. That's all we can do for our status as a under-graduate student. Nothing else more and nothing else better beside being an SPG, Bridesmaid, or WO's crew. SAD!!
My friends were like, hush hush, searched that kind of job, some of them got the job, and succeed to earn money. AND then I was trying to get my Dad's permission. When I asked him, he was going like, "NO F-in WAY! I never let my daughter being such a slave like that."
FYI, Being an SPG doesn't get a good image from people in general, it often refers to "bad girls", although NOT all SPG are bad, but their image seemed to be judged like that. OK I've admit that there several from them are bad, but it depends on what product they sell.
Once I ever lied to him to be a Bridesmaid (Flower Girl) behind his back (I thought Flower Girl was OK). But then he knew I did that, guess what, he was very very angry. We had a huge fight that night.

Got the point? My parents always forbid me from anything like that. It might be an expression to show that they love me. But you know, I feel like, I treated like a baby, always be a baby, although I'm 21!! Twenty one!!

Should I just follow his foot steps? Will it make them proud? Or should I stand alone, building my own career from big ZERO (just like my boyfriend did), without asking a penny from my parents?

I've had lack of sleep these recent days, seems my mind doesn't wanna stop to think about my future. My friends, even my bf told me that I should not be worry, cos everything would be OK with help from my parents. They said that I should be grateful cos I don't have to chase a formal-job, or work Mon-Fri, 9-5 behind desk at office.

Started from July 2nd 1987, until now... Have I make you proud?

Monday, August 11, 2008

why can't I be you?

current mood : upset

Why can't I be you?
Why can't I just be myself??

Everybody's changing and I don't feel it [Keane]

Thursday, August 7, 2008


Sweet memory... Kenn and Billie

Kenn, Dieter, Billie

Last night I dreamt about Billie [picture on the right]. And it was a nightmare, really :(

So Billie came to me, hugged me tightly, and he said that he was sick. He was keep crying on my lap.. Then I woke up, in tears :(

Have I told you about him? About one year ago, my Mom adopted him. Actually he's one of our family relative. But unfortunately, he came from a broken-home family. His parent got divorced, [and I don't understand why], no one really care of him, [he was around 3.5 y.o], his Mom runaway to Jakarta, while his Dad built a new family with his new wife! What a bastard!

So my Mom decided to brought him to our house and stay with us AND without permission from another family member. Our reactian was like, "wtf?". Cos Billie is a very rebellious kid [no wonder, considering where he came from!], he's wild, and yeah, he's annoying. I didn't treat him right at that time. So did my Sister and my older Brother. I really really love KIDS! But Billie... I don't know why I couldn't love him..

Only my Mom, Dad, and my boyfriend who took care of him.

But starngely, slowly but sure, he took our heart away.. Although he's very naughty, but I could see in his eyes, that he wanted to be showered by care from a family that he never has :(

Contrary to my lil brother, everyone love him, everyone care of him, everyone praise him. Billie doesn't get it. He could go to sleep without drink his milk, he could walk to his school alone. That was so sad if I remember those moment. He's just not as lucky as my little brother.

Months after he arrived in our house, I finally changed my bad behaviour to him, [actually not that bad, my sister was worse]. My boyfriend said, "You hate his parent doesn't mean you hate him too. He's just a victim. We can't blame him."

After he said that, my whole world was like, fallout. I realized that I was wrong, totally wrong. My boyfriend was right. Billie is just a bad victim from his irresponsible parent.

I started to love him dearly, I ask him to play with me, we're eating together, watching TV together, even I cleaned up his ass. I can't believe if I open my heart, then everything becomes clear. I understand where Billie's bad act came from.

Then his Daddy took him away from us, maybe he realized his mistake. [But I don't believe him!! How could you trust a man whom left his family for a new wife? Yuckkkkk]

But what can we do? Cos he's Billie's biological father.

So my Mom given Billie to his Dad.

Everynight on my prayer, I always hope that his Dad treat him right. And I was shocked with my dream last night, I hope he's fine. Please God promise me that he's fine.. :(

Bye Billie... You'll always in our heart

Monday, August 4, 2008

help yourself

When I walk in your shoes
I understand a man confused
They much too big, but I don't care
I felt the way your shoulders bare

Now I really empathize
Looking through your bloodshoot eyes..
And I know you, you're so frustrated
Above we all become what we once hated
Beside, nobody can't be that wise

You got a degree in "philosophy"
So you think you cleverer than me
But I'm not just some drama queen
Cos it's where you're at, not where you've been

So what do you expect from me?
To hold your head above the sea..
And carry you, even though you bigger
Cos don't you know, you crush my tiny figure

And anyway, we're still so young
And this isn't yesterday..

I can't help you, if you won't help yourself
I can't help you, if you don't help yourself
You can't only get so much from someone else